Anxiety Disorder Plus Panic Attack

I had another attack yesterday. I was at Busu's house when it happened. I had to take a walk in the garden to get some fresh air. Of course Busu didn't notice it..and I kept quiet about it. :)

It started about four months ago when all of a sudden, I had a dizzy spell, and difficulties to breathe. Then, my hands and legs started to feel numb. Dear hubby rushed me to the Puteri Specialist Hospital..however the doctor couldn't found anything wrong with me. So they sent me home. One week later I had another similar attack. I went to a clinic and the doctor diagnosed me with 'Anxiety Disorder Plus Panic Attack'.

What is it anyway... I found this definition in a medical website.

Anxiety is a normal human emotion that everyone experiences at times. Many people feel anxious, or nervous, when faced with a problem at work, or before taking a test or making an important decision. Anxiety disorders, however, are different. They can cause such distress that it interferes with a person's ability to lead a normal life.

What Are the Symptoms of an Anxiety Disorder?
Symptoms vary depending on the type of anxiety disorder, but general symptoms include:

Feelings of panic, fear and uneasiness
Uncontrollable, obsessive thoughts
Repeated thoughts or flashbacks of traumatic experiences
Nightmares
Ritualistic behaviors, such as repeated hand washing
Problems sleeping
Cold or sweaty hands and/or feet
Shortness of breath
Palpitations
An inability to be still and calm
Dry mouth
Numbness or tingling in the hands or feet
Nausea
Muscle tension
Dizziness

Panic attacks are sudden feelings of terror that strike without warning. These episodes can occur at any time, even during sleep. A person experiencing a panic attack may believe that he or she is having a heart attack or that death is imminent. The fear and terror that a person experiences during a panic attack are not in proportion to the true situation and may be unrelated to what is happening around them. Most people with panic attacks experience several of the following symptoms: "Racing" heart , Feeling weak, faint, or dizzy, Tingling or numbness in the hands and fingers, Sense of terror, of impending doom or death, Feeling sweaty or having chills, Chest pains, Breathing difficulties, Feeling a loss of control

Phews...there we go. My deepest and darkest secret. Am I having mental problem? Hehe..yeah..I might. The doc said it started about 4 or 5 years ago. I was facing sudden death among my family members. My grandma passed away, and nine months later my dad followed her. I was forced to take over the responsibilities...dealing with the lost, and dealing with my mother who was suffering the most. I had to push aside my own grief. A year I later, I lost an aunt..and the year after that..I lost another aunt. Now, almost five years later when it first started, it has come back to haunt me. It started with my mind, and it corrupted my body.

I'm trying my best to fight this. I'm lucky that I have the support of my dear hubby as well as my dear best friend, Gee. And my dear aunt, Busu..is always there to listen to me. I try my best to keep my mom out of this...I don't want to make her sad. In front of her, I behaved as though everything is normal.

But you see...while I suffer with this so-called disorder, I've discovered something truly wonderful and beautiful. Being lost, I turned to the only One that I know I can rely on...God. When I feel lost, and everything seems so dark and gloomy, I know He is there for me. I talked to Him..and I cried..and He is always there to listen. Honestly, I wasn't a truly good Muslim then. But I'm trying to change myself now. Typical human being..we only remember God when we're down in sorrow. Yes..shame on me. In a way, I'm glad that He gave me this test...it means that while I've kind of forgotten him back then, HE has never forgotten about me. He calls me back to him...slowly..and lovingly...and I feel very much loved and blessed.

Thank you God..Praise be to Allah, the Cherisher and Sustainer of the worlds; Most Gracious, Most Merciful. Alhamdulillah..