Just feel like blogging

A few stuffs are already packed. Some are still lying around, waiting for the boxes that dear hubby has yet to buy. (grrr...I hate reminding him time and time again). For the past 4 months, we got quite a bunch of things without us realizing it. Remember when I said America has it all? I wasn't kidding Our stuffs are the result of E-Bay, flea market, factory outlet, yard sale and tele-marketing. I guess that's why dear Hubby doesn't want us to stay here for good. But hey, I'm not the only one who did the shopping ok. Who shopped for that big giant BOSE system? (That will be the biggest box of all.) Certainly not me! ;)

On a different note, my anxiety disorder is back :( Normal I guess, for I've been under stress lately (refer to my previous post). Maybe I should do what a friend suggested. Be selfish and arrogant for a change! The dizzyness is back. Short of breath, numbness on my fingers and toes. (The cold weather doesn't help either, sometimes I'm afraid if I'm having a sign of athritis...haihh). I have difficulty sleeping at night too. My eyes are closed but my mind is working over time. I'll be tossing and turning around, sometimes for a few hours after I first lie down. Dear hubby and the kids will be orchestrating their snores, and I'll be envious of them. The Bach Rescue Remedy has not been much help. And neither does drinking chamomile and lavender tea. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH.... I hate when this comes. I keep thinking of dying or getting sick. Problem is, I'm not sick! Well, a slight cold maybe. The whole house is down with cold. I keep reminding myself to be strong and positive, just like Kak Raden in One Breast Bouncing. I try to picture all those cancer sufferers who has practically been given a death sentence, but still, they have the will to fight it and go on with their lives. But most of the time that anxiety disorder part of me wins. Sometimes I fall asleep at 3 a.m., only to wake up at 3.45 feeling choked up and having difficulty to breathe.

I know that I can go through this. That's why I've been given the test. Allah is the Most Merciful. He won't test us with what we can't bear. But sometimes, I do feel that I can't take it anymore.

"Allah, please help me. You are the Most Loving, Most Merciful and Most Powerful. Please cure me of my anxiety disorder. Please give me some peace in my mind and in my heart. Please...help me God. Amin."